Bald & Beautiful Sisters

Chemotherapy.

What a shitty medicine. Don't get me wrong, it does absolutely amazingly wonderful things like KILL cancer. However, it comes with some pretty terrible side effects - some are short lived and some will be around for the rest of your life...but having a life is the main goal, right?

So most of us say "ok, let's do it".

After I heard the dreaded "C" word (chemotherapy), I really struggled to see how I would look bald. At the time, Snapchat just so happened to have a baldness filter which I took many photos of myself. Trying desperately to see how I would look! The concept of having no hair at all was hard to imagine.

No eyebrows, no eye lashes and even no hair 'down there'.

Losing hair is one of the less complicated side effects. I say that lightly because for some it's a huge issue. For some women their hair plays a big part of their identity and having to lose that can take a huge toll mentally.

From the very moment I was told I had cancer I made the decision that I would teach my kids resilience. Which begged the question...

"How do I turn this sour lemon (losing my hair) into sweet lemonade?"

In my mind a shave party was the only correct answer!

I remember telling my dad about it and he replied, "Gosh Rhi, that's going to be very hard to do in front of everyone...", I simply said, "yeah, but I would rather make it fun!". And with that he joined me in shaving his head.

My nearest and dearest were invited on the night to either shave or colour their hair. The kids had a great time having their hair sprayed in all sorts of colours along with other family members. My hubby shaved his beard which took me back about 12 years! It was strange seeing him look so different - not as much as seeing me bald I guess!

There were a lot of laughs but also a lot of tears. I still cried...a lot. I cried because I had cancer. I cried because my kids had to deal with a mother going through cancer. I cried because I could see the pain it was causing my loved ones. That was the part that was really hard.

It's a very defining moment when you lose your hair. Everyone deals with it differently. Some do it with their partner at home, others go to the hairdresser and some might not involve anyone else. There is no right way. The day before the shave party, I remember washing my hair for the last time. I made sure I knew it was going to be the last time. I tried to really soak in that moment because this helped me with the process of what was happening. In my mind it's all a step-by-step journey to eventually get to the last step, beat cancer.

At this point in time, I didn't realise how many steps I would have to actually complete. There were many many, many steps, twists and turns to come.

The shave party was only step two but it was very significant one. My main goal was for my kids to walk away from that party and remember it as a fun filled night - cancer shouldn't take away fun.

Out of the blue, while we were packing up for the night my sister-in-law suddenly grabbed the clippers and went into the bathroom and shaved her hair right in the middle of her head! There was no going back! It was totally unexpected and hilarious all at the same time. It took everyone by surprise - even her partner! She looked amazing and so fierce. She did it with such confidence and purpose. I remember thinking 'wow what an amazing strong woman'.

A bald and beautiful sister.

A few months went by and my best friend decided to shave her head in support during the National Breast Cancer Foundation breast cancer month. She was able to raise money and awareness at the same time in support of me. Before she did the big shave, we went wig shopping together and bought ourselves a wig each. She bought a gorgeous blonde wig and I chose a bright red one which I later named Scarlett (I named all my wigs). We decided we would go out for dinner afterwards and showoff the newly purchased wigs with pride.

On the big night, it was just our two families. She allowed me to shave her hair, I don't know if she was nervous but she certainly didn't show it. She pulled it off with such grace. I found it hard to keep the tears at bay. She was changing such a big part of herself for me...willingly.

Another bald and beautiful sister.

Both our husbands decided to shave their hair short too! And my then 8-year-old daughter asked if she could have her hair trimmed, so I tried my best but failed miserably - but luckily she didn't realise how uneven her cut was.

My bald bestie and I trotted off to dinner sporting our new wigs! We ordered cocktails and had some really good laughs. It was an evening to remember.

It's quite a complicated feeling having people shave their heads for you. On one hand I felt so much gratitude yet I also felt a little guilty that my loved ones even had to think about doing it. I had some loved ones mention to me they felt bad they weren't going to shave their hair, but that didn't mean I thought they didn't support me enough. Everyone shows their support differently and to be honest, I don't know if I could have shaved my hair if the tables were turned.

As I continued on this wild cancer ride I met so many other bald and beautiful sisters. There were high teas, workshops, social groups, online groups etc where I had the pleasure of meeting women who totally understood the complexities of loosing one's hair and the impact it makes on your identity.

At the end of the day, hair is hair. It will grow back and it doesn't change who you are on the inside. Your hair may be an extension of your body but it can't change your spirit. I found it quite exhilarating actually, to take control and shave my hair on my terms. I couldn't let cancer dictate every aspect of my life.