What a punch in the guts being diagnosed was! I was 35 with three children aged 7, 5 and 2. I had just gotten myself back into the workforce after being a stay-at-home mum for years. I was feeling confident and working towards progressing with my career. It was the first time since having my last baby that I was feeling my absolute fittest. I had big goals for the year and then all of a sudden it felt like a rug had been pulled out from underneath me. I felt very lost and alone. After a few days of processing, I made the decision that the way I was going to tackle this challenge was head on. Hopefully teach my kids that when the cards have not been dealt in our favour, we can either choose to fold or choose to play that hand to the best of my ability. I was scared for my life and if I wasn't going to make it, I wanted to teach my kinds one of the most valuable lessons I've learnt - no matter how hard life gets, don't let fear stop you. 

 

In all honestly, it was hard to keep up the positive mindset. The first lot of chemo didn't seem to be working as my tumor was growing still. I moved to the next lot of chemo and it seemed to have stopped the tumor in its tracks and reduced it back to the original measurements however, no one can really know until it was taken out. I struggled with the fact that the tumor was still in my body....I just wanted it out. I had my first lumpectomy which came with another blow. I didn't get clear margins and I only had a 15% effectiveness from chemo. This meant more and longer treatment. They advised me to try for another lumpectomy and remove a lot more tissue to try and achieve the clear margins. Two weeks later I had the surgery and again, I did not achieve clear margins. I needed to have the mastectomy. My medical team discussed my case back and forth. Trying to decide what the best course of action would be, whether to have radiation before the mastectomy or after, do a double mastectomy now or after radiation and before oral chemo. My head was spinning.  
 

Then one Wednesday night, while my husband and I were heading out for a movie date night, I received a call at 7pm stating that I would need to have the mastectomy asap as my oncologist didn't want me to delay the oral chemo and I needed to have the mastectomy and radiation before I started that treatment. I was then booked in the following Wednesday. We still went to the movies and I couldn't even tell you what it was about. I just sat there in gold class with a cocktail in a state of shock staring at the big screen.

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Earlier in the year, I was given the opportunity to work with an amazing orgnisation specifically focusing on triple negative breast cancer. They made a 3-part short series focusing around three young women and their journeys with triple negative. It was a privilege to work with them and of course I jumped at the chance to do it. Spreading awareness had become very important to me. They had organised a launch night of the documentary which just happened to be on the night of my 10-year wedding anniversary and it was the day after I had the mastectomy. What a way to celebrate 10 years of marriage!

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I persuaded my medical team to let me out to go to the launch night. So, hubby picked me up and out we went! I tried to dress up as best i could with drain bag and all. It was an emotional night, lots of tears, hugs and supportive pink sisters. The photographer captured some really amazing shots of the emotion that was displayed that evening. It was an incredible night. Hubby dropped me back to the hospital late at night (felt like a teenager sneaking back in after curfew!). I was back in the hospital bed and it really hit me how far I had come at that point.

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I then had radiation followed by 6 months of oral chemo. Within a few weeks after finishing the oral chemo I was booked in for my Diep Flap surgery. I was nervous as this was a very big surgery with lots of complications. It was going to change so much of my body, however I knew this was the right thing for me to do. The surgery was a long 13 hours with a weeklong stay in hospital. I'm glad I chose the path I did, yet it is still a huge adjustment. 

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The fear of reoccurrence plays on my mind a lot. It's very hard to push that aside and live life to the fullest. I have to remind myself this is another challenge that this cancer journey brings. Facing treatment and surgeries, tackling the emotional ramifications is just another one of those hurdles. I have to stick by the lesson I'm trying to teach my children - don't let fear stop you.

I believe the fear will always be with me however, I will always focus on enjoying time with my family and friends and continuing to make lemonade!